Vegetarianism is one of those subjects on which reasonable people really can’t disagree. An irksome indulgence of the much to be endured urban elites, a mere sigh and head shake answer for the fading big-O bumper sticker crowd. But what of our sisters and brothers in the Faith who admit to joining the frequent tofu tribe? No politeness, be it ever so carefully cultivated, could avoid the private eye roll in reply, but it has begun to strike your scribe that this particular variant of inculturation dips dangerously into thou really ought not territory.

Listen, I know the sputtered well, but really has arisen into the reader’s liberty loving thoughts, yet say honestly: are spitted mushrooms and formed protein patties worthy of a defend to the end treatment? I say no. In the privacy of the home an honest preference for Cain’s gifts to Abel’s may be indulged if it must, but in society it must be — how shall I say it gently? — deplored. The overprotective love of furry animals might be darling in a wee child but belongs on St. Paul’s to-be-put-away list. And what further reason for this affectation is there, for most, when the question is addressed honestly? Stouthearted objection to enforced cannibalism and efficiency-driven barbarism towards the lesser of God’s creatures I grant you: buy your $20 / lb and, dare I say, nicely marbled sirloin and fear no rebuke from me. But forgive me if I think you are failing in your Christian duty if you appear at my home and will not share in God’s gift of meat, purchased of my labor, prepared by my hands, and placed on my table for your enjoyment and nourishment.

Nor is a failure of reciprocal hospitality the extent of my claim. Self-declaration of superiority to any natural pleasure is a dangerous game. If God made it good, we owe it Him to attempt appreciation. Note well that this in no way touches on even self-imposed exile from these goods for penitential reasons: denial of a beloved good to discipline the soul is laudable. But it is no sacrifice to avoid what one has ceased to desire. Nor are all sublunary creatures given the grace to appreciate the all that is innately enjoyable. But really: if you have decided not to partake of the fattened calf, what will you do, exactly, at the wedding feast? Take off that wedding garment that’s not in your color no doubt. We partaking of the feast will try to remember to wish you farewell when they start carrying you out the doors to the teeth-gnashing area, but if the fare is good — and I expect it will be — don’t count on it.