One of the problems with being Catholic is that all of us except Our Lord, Our Lady, and those saints who preserved their baptismal gown of grace unsullied by any and all actual sins (and I’ve never met any of the latter lucky so-and-so’s) are, by definition, hypocrites. We all advance standards which we do not live up to. This is a problem primarily for our sinful selves. However, the unbelievers and defenders of sin often use this unavoidable hypocrisy against us. Often this comes up in the area of sex. We believe that fornication, adultery, pornography, sodomy, masturbation, lustful thoughts, and artificial contraception are mortally sinful. Yet most of us (among the menfolk, anyway) are guilty of having committed at least some of these sins, often habitually. So we’re damned as hypocrites.

But, despite this hypocrisy, I find that it is generally true that believing Catholics are *less* likely to be guilty of the more egregious of these sins, or at least of having developed a habit of them, than the general populace. Then we’re damned as naive. We don’t know what we’re talking about and how dare we and our celibate virgin priests judge anyone till we’ve walked a mile in their shoes, etc.

So when a sexual libertine begins the ad hominem (“Haven’t you ever done X? Don’t tell me you never did Y!”), first establish a rule. Your personal experience (i.e. hypocrisy) or inexperience (i.e. naivete) is irrelevant to the question of whether something is wrong or not. Most of us have never been raped. Most of us have never raped. But we all speak out against it. So neither ad hominem works. And remember that these people, being malicious and dishonest, will use whichever ad hominem suits their position at any given moment. I mean that they are as willing to fault you for having known sin as for not having known it. So you need to get an agreement established in advance that neither ad hominem is relevant. Then when they backtrack, point out their own (avoidable) hypocrisy.

And remember: there is a very good chance that the person you are talking to has had an abortion or helped someone else get one. As a Catholic, I often fall into the trap of thinking that abortion is something that “other people” do, not something that people I know (and people I am related to, in real life) have done and might do again. So remember that in your hypotheticals. The morality of abortion is for at least one-third of all women a *personal* question, not a theoretical one. So they’ve staked their eternal souls on a lie. That explains a lot of their irrationality and hostility. Maybe making a personal appeal to repentance — don’t argue the wrongness, which the woman already knows in her heart, just offer forgiveness — is the best approach in such situations.  If it comes out that the other person has had an abortion, don’t even allow that she doesn’t feel guilty.  Say, “I know that you deal with an awful amount of guilt.  There is healing for this.”  I am not sure that this would work as well for men.  These are just my suggestions, based on speculation and limited experience. 

Hypocritically and naively yours,
Bonifacius