Today, parenting is as challenging as it ever has been. Perhaps some technology or health areas have become easier while social acceptance is becoming a greater challenge.

In public settings, such as airports, I have taken to providing encouraging words to loving parents traveling with small children. Particularly at the end of a flight that has a family with a fussy little one, I try to remark to the parent(s), once we are in the terminal, that their child is a treasure and that their parenting is a service to all of humanity.

Most are pleasantly surprised at these kinds of comments, particularly coming from a forty-something manly man. In my experience, their responses indicate that a few little words can be very helpful in easing the embarrassment or uneasiness that parents may have and also validate their positive decisions in building families.

To those who are annoyed by the public disruptions caused by our youngest people, I would like to say that one’s life cannot be complete, nor can one grow into a true wholeness and maturity in life, without having been a parent. I exercise this comment much less frequently!

On this day of Thanksgiving, I am most thankful for the privilege to be “Pa” to two young men and I am thankful for the growing and learning that has occurred in me as the result of my recognition of the awesome responsibilities of “Parent.”

Last year at our FSSP parish, which is filled with huge families and lots of babies, we were told from the pulpit in no uncertain terms that crying babies were to be taken outside! Must have become an issue.

She shot back, “You’re bothering the baby!”

It seems to me very foolish for the pastor to make it an issue of “rights.” This is about prudence and consideration, not entitlement. Also… the sound of a child laughing or a baby babbling is one thing, but crying is another. By its nature it makes people agitated, seeming to signal that something is wrong. This is by design, so to speak… it’s the baby’s signal that attention is needed. But if you’re not the baby’s caretaker, hearing that sound (particularly if it goes on and on) can hardly help but cause a bit of anxiety. It’s not actually your job to do anything about it, but, like a siren or a ringing phone, it pushes a “something needs to be done” alarm in your brain and makes you feel anxious.

For the parent to step out and tend to the child privately seems entirely sensible.

In a small church, where every sound was amplified an 18 month old started to fuss and make some noise.

Fearing she would disturb the liturgy, the father picked up the little girl and proceeded to walk out of the church (there was no narthex, or vestibule), lest she disturb the parishioners or the pastor’s homily.

As he(the dad) walked to the back the pastor, interrupted his homily and said to the father:

“Excuse me, where are you going?”

“Wha- I was taking her out so she wouldn’t disturb…”

“Is she baptized?”

“Excuse me?”

“Is your daughter baptized?”

“Yes”

“Then sit back down, she has the right to be here.”

I think if parents don’t know what to do, they should take there cue from the pastor.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at a traditional Mass, but please don’t be unfair to Latin Mass Catholics — they are far from anti-family, as their own rather large families prove. Liking children doesn’t necessarily mean liking to hear them throw tantrums in the middle of Sunday liturgy.

I don’t want parents to go around constantly feeling guilty because their kids’ behavior isn’t perfect. It’s one of those cases of, “if you’re genuinely trying, that’s good enough.” But I basically just wanted to make two points. The first is that the best answer to this sometimes-contentious topic is for everyone to try their best to be reasonable. That means canning the dirty looks, but there are also people who seem to feel that anyone who isn’t delighted with their children’s noise during Mass must be anti-family. That’s not fair. And that’s the only reason I wanted to tell the story from this All Souls Mass – not to be judgmental, but just to make the point that sometimes, the disturbance really is significant.

The other thing, though, is that it does a real disservice to the children themselves when parents are too laid-back about Mass behavior. I sometimes see very well-meaning parents who nonetheless seem to feel that it’s okay to carry on conversations with their children (whispered, but still very much audible) about what’s going on in the Mass. I get that it’s important to teach them about liturgy, but perhaps you could do that while watching a televised Mass at home? Because in addition to bothering people around you, this method also teaches them that it’s okay to talk through a Mass. Again, I sometimes see parents who seem to feel that it’s fine to let their kids romp around in the pews right after Mass playing with other children. These parents don’t mean to teach their kids disrespect, I’m sure, but the children obviously are not learning to regard the chapel as a sacred space when they’re playing hide-and-seek there. And how difficult would it be to suggest that the game should be taken into the vestibule, or downstairs, or outside? Like I say, I don’t want parents to feel bad about the fact that there’s a learning curve… but their kids do need to be learning the curve, because it won’t just come automatically. This is also a reason why the “children’s” Masses that I’ve occasionally encountered seem like a very bad idea to me. Mostly these just seem to be Masses in which it’s understood that the children aren’t going to be expected to be quiet or behave… with the result being, of course, that they don’t, and that they consequently learn not to take liturgy too seriously.

The suggestion about taking children to (shorter) daily Mass, or to pray in the chapel when there isn’t a Mass, seems very good to me. That’s a nice way to break worship into child-sized increments.

Mike has a good idea though, and this is kind of what I’ve been doing with my elder daughter. When I leave for Mass in the morning she begs to go with, mostly just to get out of the house, I think. I let her come with me on Fridays, and the 25 minute Mass is a good training for Sunday Mass. It’s not that hard for her to sit quietly for 25 minutes. And her reward for doing so is to light a candle after Mass, so she takes it seriously.

Also, I was going to add that I am worried about our kids distracting people at Mass, and, unlike the situation you mentioned, I wouldn’t keep a kid at Mass who was obviously detracting from the liturgy. On the other hand, I’ve noticed that many people take delight in being distracted by my kids. And it’s kind of hard to teach them to sit quietly when ten different old ladies are making eyes at them, playing peek-a-boo with hymnals, and so on. I appreciate them entertaining my children in terms of the intention behind it, and it often keeps the girls quiet longer. But, on the other hand, then I feel like my kids will think the point of Church is to be cute for everyone in attendance. (Although, frankly, I prefer peek-a-boo to dirty looks.)

One other thing is that I’ve often had people tell me (sometimes after a VERY difficult Mass) “You know, your child’s noises might sound loud to you, but I hardly even noticed them.” or “It’s so joyful to hear your baby making little noises.” or “Parents are always more distracted by their kids than the people around them.” Perhaps these are just parents of grown-up kids trying to make me feel better. And perhaps they are a very small percentage of the congregation. Who knows – just thought I’d throw that out there.

But seriously. I have no objection to the resurrection of cathedral boys’ choirs or whatever, but this isn’t like eucharistic ministers (who really aren’t needed at all in 99.9% of situations) or altar girls (who again, aren’t needed the vast majority of the time because boys and men can fulfill those functions) – traditional parishes didn’t start including female musicians just as a concession to make women feel included in the Mass. They are needed. Getting enough competent singers to have nice music is a real effort for the great majority of parishes, and excluding women would, in all but the rarest cases, make decent 4-part singing effectively impossible.

But also, singing is not a quasi-sacerdotal contribution to Mass in the way that serving at the altar is. I think there’s a reason why even traditional parishes don’t seem very concerned about this.

. . . until now. Long accustomed to breaking grade curves, I also delight in ruining absolute statements like, “I’ve never heard anyone actually say/defend/claim/argue/object, etc.” :)

In out parish, there is a men’s choir that sings the propers while the mixed choir sings the ordinary. I’ve never heard anyone express displeasure at this arrangement.

If you’re trying to post things with enormous links, the spam filter may be getting them.

Also, I was probably being a little hard on the child even according to my own logic because there usually is an uncommon cause to incline any child to cry for 15 to 20 minutes. In this case the caretaker, i.e. Dad, no doubt clumsily tied the baby’s Sunday bonnet way too tight. Elementary.

You had better mean a choir in a nunnery reciting the Office; women are not to be heard in church.

What does this even mean? I’ll charitably assume you’re trying to make a light joke, although it’s often hard to tell here.