Higher Primates

Since we’ve been so much on the theme of animals lately, I thought I’d share a passage from Mark Steyn’s latest book, America Alone. There’s an adapted excerpt in the current print issue of the National Review. The excerpt focuses on a subject which Steyn made a favorite of mine: the demography of the developed world. But there’s also a funny bit about some higher primates (chimps, gorillas, Spaniards) which gave me a good chuckle:

True, birth rates are falling all over the world, and it may be that eventually every couple on the planet decides to opt for the Western yuppie model of one designer baby at the age of 39. But demographics is a game of last man standing. The groups that succumb to demographic apathy last will have a huge advantage — and those societies with expensive social programs dependent on mass immigration will be in the worst predicament. . . .


The state of our civilization manifests itself both in the non-problems that terrify us beyond all reason — rising sea levels — and in the real problems we pay no heed to. This year, Spain’s ruling Socialist party introduced a bill in parliament legislating that apes be included in “the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently is enjoyed only by human beings.” The party’s argument was that human Spaniards do, after all, share 98.4 percent of their genes with chimpanzees, 97.7 percent with gorillas, and 96.4 percent with orangutans. Unfortunately, the 2 percent Spaniards don’t share apparently includes the urge to reproduce. For the new Europe, instead of Gibbon’s Decline And Fall, maybe someone should write Gibbons’ Rise And Triumph. But why stop there? Why not give sheep the right to an abortion? Or allow gerbils to contract gay marriage? With a cockatoo? Why does the king of Spain not simply declare that, henceforth, by royal proclamation, pigs shall fly?

By 2050, Italy’s population will have fallen by 22 percent, Bulgaria’s by 36 percent, Estonia’s by 52 percent — or more. Seventeen European nations are now at what demographers call “lowest-low” fertility — 1.3 births per woman, the point at which you’re so far down the death spiral you can’t pull out. As for America, demographic trends suggest that the blue states ought to apply for honorary membership in the EU.

If only the Europeans could hire primates, they’d have at least one possible solution to the dearth of young workers in the coming years.

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15 Responses to “Higher Primates”


  1. 1 aus blog Oct 13th, 2006 at 11:15 am

    World estimations of the number of terminations carried out each year is somewhere between 20 and 88 million.

    3,500 per day / 1.3 million per year in America alone.

    50% of that 1.3 million claimed failed birth control was to blame.

    A further 48% had failed to use any birth control at all.

    And 2% had medical reasons.

    That means a stagering 98% may have been avoided had an effective birth control been used.

  2. 2 Anonymous Oct 13th, 2006 at 11:18 am

    Please, please, don’t identify Spain’s government (or most of its population, for that matter) with Spain. The traitor that is holding the presidency of the government declared that his homeland is not Spain but rather democracy (whatever that means). The government is also trying very hard to break Spain apart both socially and territorially (hope is correct): Catalonia, Galicia and the basque provinces are quasi-independent and very hostile to the idea that they were ever part of Spain; Morocco and Gibraltar are best pals with the government; and, of course, we have gay marriage, express divorce, abortion, etc.
    Unfortunately its not just the government. Most people believe that Spain has never been better, they are embarrased of Spain’s finest achievement and proud of its worst vices. Its a dying country, but out of respect for what Spain once was, please refer to Spain’s government as “the group of freemasons that occupy the government of Spain” and to the majority of its population as “the degenerate imbeciles that descend from Spaniards”. And of course, never ever, refer to the bishops of San Sebastián or Bilbao, or to the archbishops of Barcelona or Seville.

    A Spaniard

  3. 3 Raindear Oct 13th, 2006 at 11:25 am

    We need more countries like Portugal.

  4. 4 MemoLink Oct 13th, 2006 at 11:54 am

    Your last sentence destroys your ethos.

    So, in sum, we need to a) stop worrying about global warming b) reassert our supremacy over the Apes and c) begin producing more young workers NOW.

    Perhaps returning to a dead religion in a dead language is a good idea for all involved, considering your implied ability to isolate problems and non-problems.

  5. 5 Deep Thought Oct 13th, 2006 at 12:23 pm

    MemoLink,
    To your three quetions - yes to all. Global warming is almost certainly not anthropogenic and is slow enough we have plenty of time to deal. Man is a moral actor, primates are not - we need to keep this clear in our heads (’I can think, I can think, I can think’ - repeat it with me). and in the lack of children, our societies have no future. No one to write, or paint, or sing, or build bridges, or read, or listen, or look or walk on bridges.

    I am a rpoud member of the world’s *largest* religion, I speak a little Latin, and I would like to point out that, at current birthrates, it looks like the Church is going to out-live Enlightenment Europe quite handily.

    Sweet Dreams, Iranon

  6. 6 Anonymous Oct 13th, 2006 at 1:10 pm

    spain’s government is terrible. they are hemorrhoids on the sphincter of the world.

    i have no doubt that God uses islam to punish us for our sins. at least they don’t tolerate homo marriage, abortion, or contraceptives. spain and france’s agenda of tolerance is allowing islam to dominate them, again. what a bunch of gay dumb-asses.

  7. 7 Clara Oct 13th, 2006 at 1:26 pm

    Thanks, Iosephe — that was good for a smile!

    My dear Aus Blog, I don’t know what faith you subscribe to, but you surely realize that we Catholics want not only less abortions in the world (actually, we don’t want any abortions) but also more babies. We also favor having less fornication and adultery. If unmarried people stop having sex, and married ones start having babies, there’ll be no need for birth control, and there will be less sin and more children in the world. Everybody wins.

    Noble Spaniard, I admire your forlorn patriotism even in such sorrowful times. Would it be acceptable if we henceforth referred to the present government and population of Spain as pseudo-Spaniards?

    Memolink, you did realize that this was a Mark Steyn quote, right? And he’s not a Catholic, unfortunately, so he probably isn’t going to be agitating for the return of the Latin Mass anytime soon. But I agree with Deep Thought, that none of the three things you mention seem objectionable, and the last seems very obviously needed.

  8. 8 Raindear Oct 13th, 2006 at 1:43 pm

    Memolink,

    Even if global warming is a threat(and I am not convinced that it is), phasing out humanity is not a moral option, nor is it the only possible solution. Perhaps we ought to look for ways of sustaining human life without destroying the atmosphere? A little less convenient, mayhap, but surely a better course in the long run.

  9. 9 The Jurist Oct 13th, 2006 at 2:46 pm

    I just love the party’s argument:

    “The party’s argument was that human Spaniards do, after all, share 98.4 percent of their genes with chimpanzees, 97.7 percent with gorillas, and 96.4 percent with orangutans.”

    Umm…what about the unborn children who share 100 percent of their genes with the human Spaniards? Why shouldn’t they included in “the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently is enjoyed only by human beings” Gotta love that line of reasoning.

    I am not as pessimistic for Europe as most (maybe I should be). They have suffered considerable population drops in the past. The black plague killing a third of Europe comes to mind.

  10. 10 Iosephus Oct 13th, 2006 at 3:01 pm

    Raindear: I love the thing about the Portugese threatening to use force against the abortion vessel. Good for them!

    Jurist: Good point! They’re not doing well by many of those who share 100% of their genes.

    About the black plague . . . the trouble is, first, that the birthrate affects different portions of the population differently. So while the rich, white, atheists are having no children at all, the recently arrived Muslims are having children. So more and more, the Muslim population will be in a position to assert power. So good or bad, there’s just that observation.

    Steyn wants to press upon the economic structures that they have in place: whatever race or religion the population may be, it’s aging. This puts pressure upon a socialist system which requires tax dollars to go around. Britain is better off in this regard than the Continent, but the same pressures exist for any country with a socialist set up and a dwindling supply of tax payers. How disastrous this will be, I don’t know, but the bare bones of the problem seem pretty clear.

    Are abortion and contraception and nihilism like the Black Death? I don’t think so. It seems like the plague would take people from all age groups in society, but especially from the young and the old. But it wouldn’t concentrate all its attack upon the infants and children.

    Whereas today, while improving longevity, we’re also cutting, by highly effective methods, the numbers of people entering at the other end of the line, I mean, babies.

    Perhaps explaining something of the pressure for euthanasia now as well. If they trim equally on both ends, that may keep the check books balanced - but they still have to worry about the Muslims.

  11. 11 the Jurist Oct 13th, 2006 at 3:41 pm

    Thanks for the response.

    Well just to be fair I never equivocated abortion, contraception, nihilism to the Bubonic plague. I simply observing Europe has experienced dramatic drops in population before and returned victorious. However you nicely contrasted the two to show how one is much more insipid and how the causes of the drops have different effects.

    The Muslim factor is present but from what I understand is they are mostly impoverished. I am not trying to say that this diminishes the threat, but their social and financial position does have some effect on their power. I think this effect would be adverse to them.

    However, I think that until Europe restores its fundamentally Catholic culture, we can expect more of the same nonsense. However, I think the revival of Tridentine practices and culture, especially the mass is a massive step in the right direction. Thus my hope…

  12. 12 Anonymous Oct 14th, 2006 at 10:16 am

    “And yet, one can see signs, here and there, that the swallows might have begun their return, mostly through the pro-life movement. …joining up with evengelicals to fight abortion.” Glad to see you back, Josephus.

    T. Amicus

  13. 13 Anonymous Oct 16th, 2006 at 3:44 am

    Clara,

    That would be great. Thanks. It hasn’t been long since I realized that not all anglo-saxons are evil heretics or freemasons. This blog has been a great factor in changing my mind.

    A Spaniard

  14. 14 Tobias Petrus Oct 16th, 2006 at 9:53 pm

    Well, Spaniard, we here at the Society for a Good Time do our best to encourage racial harmony.

  15. 15 Lucy Oct 17th, 2006 at 6:10 pm

    In doing research recently for a paper I read that most Mexican immigrants are young families with many children. I think the Mexican immigration influx (now 15% of our population) is going to be good for this country - large, Catholic families is just what this country needs. I know this is off topic, but I think it’s a source of hope for the US.

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